i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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