the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I AM VODKA MAN
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
