i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize