WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
