i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize