6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
