I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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