U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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