You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
