I feel great
I just peed on a car
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize