things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
