I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She is in my trunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
