When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
