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To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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