speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
