so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
