i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
