even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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