I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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