you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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