The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
