I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
