I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
