i think my mom watched the whole time
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
