Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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