The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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