i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
3 2 1 whiskey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize