So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
