I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
