Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
