Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
