I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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