I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
