Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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