Cold hands, warm shart.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
