Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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