I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
