she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize