I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
