guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
