Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
