At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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