I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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