Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize