hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
