I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
