I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
