the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
