This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
