Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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