She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
