Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
