the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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