she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize