True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
