you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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