yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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