We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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