I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
