Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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