i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
