My liver just broke up with me...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize