so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want a musical about memes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
