uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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