Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
