Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
