I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
