Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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